MBF seeks Gal Pal

This post is inspired by my soul sistah over at Omigosh, Let Me Tell You...

I had never had more than two or three close girlfriends at a time until I got to grad school. Then, God poured out the blessings and I got a whole crew of girls who I honestly considered the very best friends I've ever had (with the exception of the ever-fabulous C in Houston). A whole crew of girls! Four girls who were my age, at the same stage of life as me, living in my city, sharing all my hobbies. It was fantastic! Then we all scattered across the country. Even though I'm in constant contact with them, they are not here. I think I've mentioned before what a difficult time I've had in WA making friends. I have made a couple of friends here, but they are not my girls.

If I had the balls (and the money), I'd rent billboard space in Capitol Hill and Bel-Red with the following advertisement:

Married Black Mom of One seeks Gal Pal. Must be available for hanging out on nights and weekends, and during the day for Facebook/texting/email communication. Need not be married, but must have mentally outgrown her 20s. All income brackets are welcome, but she will be expected to trade at least one round of drinks. Must be sassy, funny, witty, philosphical, brainy, nerdy, silly, athletic, easily entertained and thoughtful. Should be able to switch from Mean Girl to Nice Girl at the blink of an eye and must be a "stunna". Should be into fashion, but not ruled by fashion. Must be able to talk at length about celebrity gossip, sports or scientific advancements. A dedicated yoga practice is not required, but highly recommended.Must have reliable transportation and live within 15 miles of Bel-Red. Must be willing to drive out of town for the perfect ice cream cone or catfish dinner. Serious inquiries only.

I miss the Hot Girls.

Speaking of Former Hot Girls...

The last time I was in NYC, I spent the entire weekend eating Chinese food in dank basement restaurants, manuevering the back alleys of Chinatown for the best knock-off designer bags, going for falafels at 4 in the morning and sipping martinis in swank bars.

I'll be heading back in June, but this time, I must make sure that any restaurant I eat at is stroller-friendly, I'll be sending my mother through the alleys while I bargain via text message, and the only 4 am feedings will be in a hotel chair, by lamplight with one or both breasts exposed. Yes, Little Miss and I are taking her first vacation to the Big Apple to meet my mom there. Mom & I are going to see the Broadwar revival of The Wiz, while Little Miss gets to know her aunt, uncle and cousins.

A new friend of mine asked me if all my Yelp! posts from here on out will be about the family-friendliness of restaurants instead of how quickly my drinks arrived from the bar and how late the restaurant stayed open (and served quality food). I think she may be on to something. Now, I'm more concerned about whether or not restaurants have those cool carseat slings and family restrooms than what the food might actually taste like!

Its a brand-new life for me. A completely alien one. But, I love it! I have to rethink the way we vacation (I guess nude beaches and adult-only resorts are out for now), the way we shop (if I'm going by myself, I have to time it between feedings), the company we keep (cuz there are only a select few I will let touch Little Miss) and our activity schedule (don't want to over-stimulate her). Now, the search for a travel nanny begins.

When it's time to take a stand...

Man, I haven't written in quite awhile!

I had a huge project at work and it has consumed all of my time! Now it's over (and turned out to be quite an amazing piece of handywork, if I must say so myself) and my days are my own again. So, I have reclaimed my 15 minutes of blog time!

I know a woman. She always seems to be caught up in conflict. Most of this conflict has to do with her race and/or gender. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. But, I never judge because who am I to say what personal impact one's statements or actions may have on another. Right?

Well, she's trapped in another mess. This time, she's innocent. She tried to stay away from trouble and trouble came and found her anyway.

She has asked me to stand with her as she fights back. I am embarrassed to say that I am a bit torn. I don't want to be lumped in the same "troublemaker" category that she is in. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with others because of their impressions of her. I don't want to risk being alienated as she has been for the last several years. I also don't want to live a sister hanging out to dry at no fault of her own.

So, I have to do some soul-searching. As much as I want to be there for her "in spirit" and otherwise stay out of it, she is pushing me to step up or shut up. I'm just not sure I can rise to the occassion...

From the Vaults

I have kept a journal for as long as I can remember. Writing is cathartic and has been my most reliable stress-reliever/problem-solver for a long time. I was digging through an old journal over the weekend and found this little gem:

"Things I Must Never Do To My Kids" - by Karla Smith, 1998

1. Give my kids nicknames with repeating syllables (ie. Mee-mee, Shay-shay, Tee-tee)

2. Call my children into my grown-up party to show everybody that they can do the latest booty dance.

3. Run loose around any store or restaurant.

4. Let them sit around the house all day and get fat.

5.Let my adolescent daughter dress in adult clothing.

6. Be seen strolling with my kids on Bourbon Street after dark.

7. Bring my kids to a sports bar to watch games. Kids do not belong in sports bars.


Okay, now that I've posted this, I will have to hold myself to it, right? Ha! We'll see. I'm really going to try!

I have a confession to make...

I cry during sporting events.

There. I said it.

Game-winning hail marys, the puck in the net in the last second of overtime, photo-finishes on an outdoor track, you name it! Normally, I can keep this little problem in check (I don't think my hubby has ever 'caught' me crying). I usually find some excuse to leave the room. The pregnancy has kicked my hormones into overdrive and now I can be reduced to sobs instantly. I'm lucky if I can manage to hold it to a few trickles of tears.

Why am I writing about this? Because Super Bowl Sunday is coming up and I that's a tough gig for me. The National Anthem always induces tears (well, if its well sung). And watching the winner celebrate with their teammates and families is a beautiful thing. I barely made it through the Winter X Games last night. How in the heck am I gonna outlast the Super Bowl?

Well, the weather is back to normal here. No more frigid temperatures, torrential rains or freak snow storms. Gone are my fears of slipping and falling on ice (which I managed to do, but at least it was only once and I was already close to the ground).

This week, my college is celebrating the legacy of MLK with a bevy of invited guest speakers and performing arts ensembles. Its a great time to be on campus because there is so much activity going on. Plus, on the eve of the inauguration of President Obama, there is a sincere feeling of hope and excitment of things to come. The mood is infectious and I find myself smiling for no reason other than being glad to be a living witness to this time in our history.

I've identified my areas of focus for 2009. Last year was a good one, but it was a bit overwhelming and I think I put my mental needs to the side to be sure that other important areas of my life (ie. my marriage, my career(s), my family) where well taken care of. Well, now that I'm confident that things won't fall apart on account of l'il ol' me, I can take care of myself.

The areas that I need to focus on are:

1. My spirituality - Without a local church home and the absence of my ashtanga yoga practice have left a void and my relationship with the Divine has suffered because of it, I think. Good news is I'm pretty sure wer've found a church home and I've carved out 2 hours on one day a week to continue to my yoga practice. Because if there was ever a time for pranayama (breath and control of mind through breathing) then this pregnancy and the impending labor is surely it!

2. My ability to multi-task - This has never been an issue for me, however, I've never been a mommy before (and I'm assuming that my raising of Figaro the wonderdog doesn't count). So, I need to be sure that I can balance parenting, my career, my small business and being an attentive wife all at the same time. This will mean that I must remember to say no to some volunteer activities and try to keep at least an hour of "me" time each week in there somewhere. "Me" time is so important for us only children. We really suffer without it.

3. Having "unplugged" moments - Between my desktop, my laptop, my handheld and the phone at home I rarely get a minute of peace. And when I do find myself with sometime, I'm always scrolling through the DVR list to see what my dear recorder has captured for me while I was preoccupied with something else. Thanks to the writer's strike, I broke it off with quite a few tv shows I used to follow. I'm down to about 3 hours of tv a week and I don't feel so bad about that. Anyway, the more minutes I can spend without logging on to something, I'm sure the better off I will be.

I think if I can master these areas, I can handle whatever 2009 throws my way with a minimum amount of stress and worry. I want to be able to devote most of my energy to my family and I'll be no good to anyone if I don't have a leash on my own special brand of crazy.

My new goal

One of my favorite bloggers, Nilsa, has just signed up to run a half-marathon. Oh, no biggie...she's done marathons and 5Ks and such before - she's a runner (take that, Nilsa!). However, I was inspired by her committment and have decided to make one of my own.

I will also begin training. Even though I don't have the benefit of months to prepare, I am going to start on a strict regimen. I will stop eating chocolate frosted donuts. I have a visit with my midwife on Thursday and I have a suspicious feeling that she is going to schedule my gestational diabetes screening. I don't want to have gestational diabetes, so I'm going to wean myself from chocolate frosteds. I have been indulging in chocolate frosteds about once a week (but 3 at a time!) for the last month or so. The buck stops here. Well, after I eat the 2 that I picked up this morning on my way in to work...

Thanks, Nilsa for being my inspiration. I will continue to look to you for motivation. If you can run in Chicago, in January, outside - then I can bypass WesternCo donuts on Saturday morning.

A moment to vent

About a month ago, my hubby was away for a week at a conference for his job. When he came back, he was completely ruined for sharing sleeping space. In the course of one week, he has somehow picked up the three worst habits of a bed-partner:

1. SNORING

2. Cover-hogging

3. Bed-hogging

Something magical happened in his fancy 4-star hotel bed that mutated his ideal bedmate gene into one that causes him to sleep damn near spread eagle in the bed. Well, we have a king-sized bed, so if he's encroaching for any reason other than cuddling and canoodling, he's out of order. And wrapping himself in the covers during these 40-something degree nights is not cool. I won't even begin to mention his obnoxious snoring. All in the matter of one week!

Well, this mommy-to-be needs her sleep. Preferably, uninterrupted by flailing arms, snores and drafts. A bad night of rest equals back pain, extreme fatigue and loss-of-appetite and productivity for me the next day.

Last night, I reached my tipping point and declared that he observe all bed rules, or sleep in the guest room until he remembers how to share a bed. I gave him a Breathe Right strip and left it up to him. Well, he promised to try and threw a frickin tantrum before putting on the Breathe Right strip, but I'm happy to report that I had a wonderful night of uninterrupted sleep (thanks in part to the body pillow I wedged in between him and myself). Today, for the first time in weeks, I feel well-rested and might actually make it through my 13-hour work day without needing a nap. However, due to the fit he threw last night, I'm giving him the cold shoulder- despite his immediate apology.

Give it some thought

I was perusing through some old diary entries and I ran across an entry I wrote while reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Love, Pray" (highly recommend it). One section centered around 2 questions that I challenged myself to answer. I challenge you to give them some thought. I think answering these questions helped me put some perspective to where I was in life and what things I still needed to accomplish to be completely fulfilled.

1) What do I believe I deserve in this life?
love, happiness, contentment, romance, children, piece of mind, true friendships, financial freedom, spiritual well-being, fun, freedom to travel, the ability to speak up for myself, independence, a clear conscience, a healthy weight, healthy hair, a church home that feels like home, a faithful, loving and attentive husband.


2)Where can I accept sacrifice?
Do I have to accept sacrifice? Says who? My list of things I cannot sacrifice will probably be much longer. Why do I have to sacrifice anything? I've already sacrificed my comfort zone time and time again. I sacrificed my health, sanity and dignity to obtain my PhD. I sacrificed simple carbohydrates for a lifetime of Atkins. I've sacrifice hot summers and beaches you can swim at for a career in WA. I sacrificed my chance at science superstardom by choosing the wrong grad research advisor. Oh, the list could go on!

Where I cannot accept sacrifice is in the things that make me inherently happy: my connection with The Divine, taking care of myself mentally and physically, learning to be fiscally responsible, loving with everything I've got, and the ability to live my life freely in a way that makes me want to celebrate being me.

Having thought these things through. The real question is: Now what am I gonna do about it?

The Olympics

I've been in an Olympic stupor - stuck in front of my tv, watching the Olympics on 3 screens (picture-in-picture and my laptop). Subsisting on healthy snacks and a later day work schedule to accomodate the stupid 8pm primetime West Coast starts.

Best friggin Opening Ceremonies EVER aside, when will the Chinese government get it? You have to treat people better. The final straw was uprooting 7 year-old singing phenom Yang Peiyi, pictured right, to sing under the damn stage while less talented, but cuter (according to the music director) Lin Miaoke, pictured left, lip-synced for the world to see. What the hell?

Apparently, Yang Peiyi won the singing contest but was deemed "not pretty enough" to be on stage. She looks pretty darn cute to me, particularly with that snazzy little bob of hers. But, whatever. The Chinese never fail to disappoint me - unless we're talking about gymnastics, then they totally kick ass.

"We have a responsibility to face the audience of the whole country, and to be open with this explanation. We should all understand it like this: it is a question of the national interest. It is a question of the image of our national music, our national culture. Especially at the entrance of our national flag, this is an extremely important, an extremely serious matter...So we made the choice. I think it is fair to both Lin Miaoke and Yang Peiyi - after all, we have a perfect voice, a perfect image and a perfect show, in our team's view, all together."—Chen Qigang, musical designer

In other news, its been absolutely orgasmic watching Michael Phelps and friends totally dominate in the pool. And I'm thrilled that the plagued men's gymnastics team pulled a Bronze out of nowhere. Through which I am pleased to announce my first Olympic crush since Greg Louganis - the fine physical speciman, Raj Bhavsar. I have watched on in mock pity on other (sub-par) countries as the hammer that is Misty May-Treanor and Kerrie Walsh keep smashing people on the beach volleyball circuit. They dispatched the Cubans in less than 32 minutes. Sad.

photo credits:Getty/AFP as seen on Telegraph.co.uk

Pas de duex

I was standing in line at the drug store and happened to catch a tabloid headline that said

Angelina confesses: I'm still love Billy Bob!

I don't get it! What's the big deal? Is it so bizarre to still be in love with your ex? I mean, they did swap vials of blood! Why are people so convinced that you can't be in love with more than one person at a time? Are our hearts so small? Even if the relationship doesn’t work, you don’t automatically lose all feelings for a person.

My parents, for instance, they divorce ages ago. But, it wasn’t a bitter, evil battle. It was a mutual decision by to grown people who have decided that their lives are heading in opposing directions. They still love each other. My dad and stepmom celebrated their 10 year anniversary this week. I know he loves his wife completely, yet still manages to love my mom. This love does not diminish, or interfere with the love he has for his current wife.

With all the nastiness going on in the world, I hope that people are as open to love (current and past) as possible. I have loved four men with whom I’ve been in a relationship with (and I don’t count E. because I only told him I did to get in his draws *evil grin*). Except for Stew the Slut, I didn’t stop loving any of them just because the relationship faded to black. The loss of love was gradual because I lost contact with them, but I’m certain there were periods of overlap where I still had love for the ex and was nurturing a new love with the current.

Or maybe its just my sentimental self...