SWS

Hello. My name is Dr. Fuller and I am here to talk to you about a serious epidemic - SWS, Suburban Wife Syndrome.

For years, SWS has been silently and methodically killing the social lives of fabulous women everywhere.

Here, in out private, super-scientific laboratories, we have been working diligently to solve the problem of SWS. Though we have not found a cure, we have made it our mission to spread awareness of this dreadful disease.

SWS most often afflicts married women who are beautiful and have previous histories of having lots of fun, being charismatic and social butterflies. Women who had a socially active college life are particularly vulnerable to SWS.

Are you, or someone that you know, suffering from SWS? Symptoms are: lack of social obligations, decreased desire to shop at Express and a cell phone that never rings after 8pm.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with SES, rest assured that we are working on a cure! In the meantime, we advise a treatment of reconnection with college girlfriends, meeting new active girlfriends and a once-weekly trip to your local happy hour.

Treatment works!

10 Things I Hate About Fashion (at least right now)

Fashion is fickle, and I'm fickle about fashion. A year ago, ankle-length tights would have been #1 on this list, but, alas, I have succumed and am now wearing these things myself. Does that make me a fashion whore? I think so!

10. Uggs or any Ugg-like derivative (unless you're running errands, then its all about comfort and I completely understand)

9. The Gap's entire spring wardrobe. Is there anybody in the fashion industry in charge over there? Sheesh!

8. People over the age of 21 in any type of mass-produced bargain store logo tee. Our fashion should mature with our age.

7. Everyday use of big, dramatic false eyelashes. I love them at night, not so much for the 9-5 gig (unless your 9-5 happens to be at the MAC counter, then it might be necessary)

6. UnderArmor shirts worn anywhere or anytime not associated with physical fitness.

5. The Snullets (translation:sneaky mullet) - my made-up word for a mullet masquerading as an uber-trendy hairstyle(I sincerely hope this scourge is isolated to the Seattle area). I'm so over this whole "Emo" thing.

4. knee-highs and short skirts (Why, oh, why are people still doing this?!)

3. men/boys wearing skinny jeans. Yuck.

2. balloon courdoroy shorts over tights of any kind.

1. The side ponytail. Absolutely disgusting! (It's like January 2008 was somehow code for "let's relive the WORST of the 80s!)

My Posse's On Broadway

Saturday, I found my self running errands in downtown Seattle. I had the directions and went straight to it with no problems. Getting back was a different story. Seattle is impossible to navigate if you don’t know where you’re going. I’m still not used to this intersecting number streets thing. Everywhere else I’ve lived there’s a hard fast rule that numbered streets run from East to West and named streets run from North to South. So, you can understand that I don’t know what to do when I’m at the corner of 15th Street NE and NE 3rd Street. All the main thoroughfares run diagonally so just when I think I’m on the right track passing 4th, 5th, then 6th Streets, all of the sudden, there’s a change to 120th, 121st then 122nd! Well, I was on a numbered street, but going northward and that threw me off!

Man, I got so turned around! Anyhoo, I’m trying to get back and I’m all turned around. I even accidentally entered I-5 somehow at one point. Which only made things worse, because I don’t know I-5 and if it wasn’t for my compass, I wouldn’t know if I was going up, down or sideways through Seattle. I finally caught a long stoplight at 23rd and Jackson. Just when I was about to call Goog411 (great service! I HIGHLY recommend it) and ask them to get me out of the mess I had made, a DJ saved my life.

Somewhere from the depths of my brain came the lyrics from Sir Mix-a-lot’s “My Posse’s on Broadway” (which, in case you didn’t know, is about Seattle). I remembered that Mix picked up his posse on 23rd and Jackson and headed towards MLK. Okay, I know where MLK is (because that's where hubby gets his hair cut). Ah-ha! Now I have a frame of reference! I also remembered that Mix’s posse turned left on 23rd and Union and headed towards Broadway. Okay, well I just passed Union 2 blocks ago and I ate breakfast on Union and Broadway. So, thanks to Mix, I hooked a right on Jackson and headed to MLK. Finally, un-lost and headed home.

My point is, thank God for all the times the DJs of my life have played that song and encouraged crowd participation, because it certainly saved me about $20 in gas and any further frustration. Thank you Sir Mix-a-lot!

Here's the link to the lyrics if you need a refresher. Thank God I didn't!