Part 2: Hope

Sorry, I didn't intend for it to be so long between posts but life happens.

Hope is defined as someone (or something) on which expectations are centered.

Hope is underrated. We hope for things all the time and don't take it seriously. Hoping I get a spa day for my birthday is not as serious as wishing for a spa day for my birthday. I don't think we ever really notice how important "hopes" are until they are dashed.

I had hoped to be finished with my PhD in 5 years. No pressure, just a hope. Imagine my disappointment when the 5th year came and went... I had a life planned for that 6th year after undergrad, but I had to put it on hold to finish my education.

Anthony and I had hoped to make Seattle our home, at least for the next 5-10 years or so. Life happened and now we're moving across the country to New Jersey. We're sad to leave this beautiful place that we're finally starting to feel completely comfortable in - but we are looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

But, if I have to place my expectations on anything, its that we can make a good life for ourselves in NJ. That my baby will be happy and culturally-aware. That I can find a yoga class that I like. That there's a good Indian restaurant within walking distance from the house. That we can finally be in a position to be still. But, if not, then we will adjust. We'll roll with it. Our hopes might be dashed, but we will create new ones.

Faith, Hope and Love

A friend of mine was out-of-sorts. Her well-planned, perfectly-orchestrated life was falling down around her. Her personal life was in shambles, her job was in jeopardy and she was on the verge of a mental collapse. I prayed with her and talked to her about faith. Ironically, my meditation for this morning was from I Corinthians 3, which talks about faith hope and love. In thinking about these three, I realized what a strong role each plays in my life.

I’m feeling quite introspective lately, so I’m dragging you – friends of this blog – through it with me.

Part I – Love

This weekend was H-O-T in Seattle. Like 80s and 90s hot. That may not sound bad to my Texan and Oklahoman friends, but in a place where central A/C is not standard that is hawt!

Normally, on hot days like this, I will turn on the window fan in Baby K’s room at about 4pm and let the breeze from the lake work on cooling her room down. That way, by the time she’s ready for bed at 8pm or so, we can be in there comfortably and she can be swaddled without sweating to death.

Yesterday, we were at the zoo all day and didn’t get home until near 7. I turned on the fan right away, but knew it would be hours before the room cooled down. So, we started our bedtime ritual and when she was ready for the crib, I stripped her down and lay her in there. She slept in fits and starts (because she wasn’t swaddled) but I stayed in the room with her so that I could shhhh her back to sleep whenever she woke up.

Finally, near 9, the sun started its decent behind the ridge and the lake breeze was able to replace the hot stuffiness in her room with coolness. I swaddled the baby and put her to sleep. Then for the next 30 minutes, I was sticking my nose in her room to make sure it didn’t get too cool in there.

To make an already too long story short, I slept on the floor in front of my baby’s crib because I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too cold or too hot for her. I woke up as needed through the night adjusting the fan level, cracking and closing the blinds and gently touching her ears and shoulders to make sure she wasn’t cold or hot.

What little sleep I got was restful and I woke up at 5 feeling ready for the day. Not because a one-blanket pallet on the floor was particularly comfortable, but because I knew Baby K was safe and sleeping well.

That, my friends, is what love looks like. If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I loved someone enough to sleep on the floor at their feet just because I would have looked at you like crazy.

Up next… Part II - Hope

Just checkin in!

Geez Louise! It's been month since I've written. I would like to say its because I'm very busy with motherhood, work, business and married life.

The truth is, the weather has been gorgeous and Seattleites can't bear to waste any daylight hours inside (the sun actually doesn't set here until after 9PM).

Anyhoo! Don't worry, there's something a-brewing in the Fuller camp (and its not another baby...yet). Details to follow.

Happy Birthday, DaVida!

My how times change

As I was unloading the backseat of all my work and Kennedy's daycare stuff, it occured to me how different my backseat and storage space is.

Not too long ago, I had the following in my trunk:
*a fully stocked overnight bag(because one never knows what the night has in store
*a couple of bottles of water, (sooo refreshing after 4 hours of dancing in the club)
*a swimsuit in the summer (impromptu pool parties and trips to the lake/beach are a drag without a swimsuit on hand)

Now, my trunk carries:
*a fully stocked emergency diaper bag
*a stroller
*reusable shopping bags
*a blanket (impromptu picnics and trips to the park are a drag without a blanket)

Wow. What a difference a couple of years makes.

Yep, she’s a genius.

Yesterday, Kennedy and I had a fantastically fun-filled lunchtime visit at the day care. As I was leaving, I put her in the bouncy seat so that she could hang out with L while she prepared lunch for the older children. Then, what did my little genius do?

She deliberately reached up and grabbed one of the toys. I was quick enough to snap this picture on my camera phone. If I had video, you would see that she was gurgling happily and kicking in celebration of her achievement.

MBF seeks Gal Pal

This post is inspired by my soul sistah over at Omigosh, Let Me Tell You...

I had never had more than two or three close girlfriends at a time until I got to grad school. Then, God poured out the blessings and I got a whole crew of girls who I honestly considered the very best friends I've ever had (with the exception of the ever-fabulous C in Houston). A whole crew of girls! Four girls who were my age, at the same stage of life as me, living in my city, sharing all my hobbies. It was fantastic! Then we all scattered across the country. Even though I'm in constant contact with them, they are not here. I think I've mentioned before what a difficult time I've had in WA making friends. I have made a couple of friends here, but they are not my girls.

If I had the balls (and the money), I'd rent billboard space in Capitol Hill and Bel-Red with the following advertisement:

Married Black Mom of One seeks Gal Pal. Must be available for hanging out on nights and weekends, and during the day for Facebook/texting/email communication. Need not be married, but must have mentally outgrown her 20s. All income brackets are welcome, but she will be expected to trade at least one round of drinks. Must be sassy, funny, witty, philosphical, brainy, nerdy, silly, athletic, easily entertained and thoughtful. Should be able to switch from Mean Girl to Nice Girl at the blink of an eye and must be a "stunna". Should be into fashion, but not ruled by fashion. Must be able to talk at length about celebrity gossip, sports or scientific advancements. A dedicated yoga practice is not required, but highly recommended.Must have reliable transportation and live within 15 miles of Bel-Red. Must be willing to drive out of town for the perfect ice cream cone or catfish dinner. Serious inquiries only.

I miss the Hot Girls.

Juggling Acts

Well, today is my first day back at work after my 6 weeks of maternity leave. And even though there are 350 unread emails in my inbox, plus a stack of mail that overran not only my box, but the unclaimed box next to it. The 8-5 world is SO much easier than the full-time mommy world. I can answer the phone when it rings, check my Gmail. Eat snacks. I had so much fun taking care of my Little Lady Bug full-time, but am so glad to be back in the world of adult conversations and professional attire.

I feel like I've been out of the country for the past month and a half. I haven't had much time to watch the news and reading the paper or cnn.com was completely out of the question. So, I'm having to get up to speed, not only with what I missed at work, but what I've missed in the world. Its overwhelming, but I'm up to the task.

As I step into this new role as a Modern Mom, I am excited to see how I will manage to keep my career on track, nurture and care for my baby and keep my entrepeneurship afloat (I've had to hire staff!). I have no clue what I'm doing, as they don't write manuals for this stuff. But, I do believe that I am an awesome person and will figure out how to get it done. We'll see!